Every fall we make our autumnal pilgrimage out to farm country to pick pumpkins from the pumpkin patch. Over the years, we've harvested a good crop of pulp wisdom which I'm happy to share with you now.
- Pumpkins do not make good doorstops.
- Sooner or later, we'll all run into an evil scarecrow.
- Positivity is when your head is carved up into a jack o' lantern and you're still grinning.
- The good thing about being a pumpkin is that plump is pleasing.
- Perfect pumpkins get picked first but odd looking pumpkins are more lovable.
- Under your arm, carry a homely, mis-shapen pumpkin with plenty of bumps and gnarls...and you'll get noticed at any party.
- If you're bright orange and can't dance, pumpkin pie is a good back-up plan.
- Pumpkin chucking is not the same as up-chucking except for the end result.
- When you're tethered to a vine...you know you're in trouble.
- Pumpkins make good friends because they look up to you.
- If you hang around with pumpkins....you're very weird.
- Life is like a pumpkin patch...you always gotta watch where you're stepping.
- When you're sitting on the front porch with a candle in your mouth, pulp up your nose and a goofy smile on your face, you know you've had too much to drink.
- If politicians were pumpkins, they'd have thick heads and mush for brains. Oh wait...they already do.
- We all get to shine for a little bit and then our light goes out and we're left to rot in the dirt.
Pumpkin people are often misunderstood.
THE END
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