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Friday, February 19, 2010

Is Tiger Woods Out of the Woods Now?

Tiger Woods apologized
Publicly as advertised.
Now it's time to analyze
Speculate and scrutinize:

Did he mean it? Was he up front?
Or was it all a PR stunt?
His mommy's there but wifey's not
Did she decide to let him rot?
And who's on board his pleasure yacht? 

Sorry, sorry, I was bad with girls aplenty
Can't recall if it was 200 or twenty.
I just know it was a multitude
And now I'm back to rehab, dude.

Does he miss his sleazy skanks?
Why does Gloria Allred defend their ranks?
Will the world accept his amends?
Is Tiger's conscience really cleansed?

Tiger prowled and didn't think twice
Had his fun and paid the price
A bit more therapy
And we shall see
If Tiger's tamed his virility.

I say give the guy a mulligan break
All this in front of his mother, for goodness sake.
He's back with Buddha and maybe his wife
Trying to repair his sordid life
Yet ya gotta remember he's no poor slob
It's not like he's worried 'bout finding a job. 

I'm gonna change my tawdry ways
Get on course to better days
It's my fault and I repent.
I'll give up porn least for Lent

But will he tell Oprah one of these days
All about his cheatin' ways?
Or spill his guts to Larry King
And offer tips on the perfect swing?
When all the hype is said and done
Will he be redeemed by a hole in one?
Or if that doesn't do the trick---
Simple castration...neat and quick. Sphere: Related Content


Cindy said...

I thought he did not seem to genuine, but who knows, loved the poem...take care., said...

Cute poem, Boomer.
In true Tiger style, he consistently scores lower than low.

Miles Of Style said...

i think these days "Any publicity is good publicity" after all. lovely poem.

wishing you a great weekend!

Simon Butler said...

It was his announcement that he was willing to undergo castration that convinced me of his sincerity.

Fergitude said...

Great poem! It made me smile.

Fran Hill said...

Clever poem. I think you captured the situation very well indeed ...

Douglas said...

Bravo! Bravo! Great poem! Great insight, too.

Anonymous said...

Fun loving poetry, Boomerpie. But watching Tiger read his carefully crafted script, likely written, edited and rehearsed with the help of one or more public relations pros did not come across as "genuine". Tiger read, looked up. Read, looked up. His face was wooden, serious, unhappy and completely superficial against his words.

janet said...

love your little ditty and sense of humor

Will Shealy said...

Very clever! :-)

(And thank you for the kind comment on mine)

steven said...

ouch!!! it's hard to know the truth of media created people like tiger woods. cool funny sad poem. steven

Char said...

I'm sure he had very talented professional writers, but I'm not so sure he wasn't sincere. That speech had to be tough to make. I thought it was very humbling.

But I sure got a laugh out of this poem....too funny.

gayle said...

Cute poem!! I didn't see him.

Diney said...

Didn't see it but wondered what he was thinking having his Mum there?!! Ew!!

Funny poem though! :)

'Nelley said...

Lol! hilarious. poor Eli. And poor Tiger. what he did was wrong (duh) but having it broadcast to the world so they can all judge you too makes it 10 times worse. Love your creative humour boomer (ooo that rhymes!)
You've got a fan! :)

Candice said...

Well, after reading my post about this very subject, I'm guessing you know my take on Mr. Woody... I mean, Woods. ;)

Great post!

Unknown said...

I think you put more effort into your verses than he put into his statement! Thanks for stopping by and following me; I've just signed up to follow you as well and look forward to getting to know you.

Brenda Grolle said...

I haven't been following the Tiger Woods situation too much. I can hardly turn on the radio in the morning without them talking about it on each station.

But your poem is great!

Dee at Pedestrian Palate said...

Funny poem. My vote is with the last line. Chop em off and let Elin make a pair of earrings with them.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

I'm with DG. You know he just suggested it b/c he wanted to sound sincere but I suspect it was just lip service. He would be shocked if anyone actually approached him w/ a pair of scissors.
Thanks for stopping by!

Jeanne Estridge said...

I was raised on aphorisms, and firmly believe "one good turn deserves another" and "fun is more fun when you share it with someone." (Also, "never tell a lie when the truth makes a better story" and "if you're making that face when the wind changes direction, it will stay like that.")

Anyway, now following in return!

blognut said...

I figured if his apology was so darn heartfelt and genuine, he wouldn't have had to read it.


InvisibleWoman said...

Great poem. Have to feel just a bit sorry for the dope. Though sorrier for his wife. It's not as if he's a priest or anything. The media's mania for ripping celebs to pieces makes me nauseous though.

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