We always knew where the "good" houses were and we paid them multi visits. Back then, Halloween was a night of frightful, frivolous, innocent fun with my rambunctious young pals and usually nobody got hurt. Even more amazing...nobody got texted, sexted, Ipodded, emailed, cell phoned or tweeted. Somehow we all survived.
Today, Halloween is the most popular and most lucrative commercial holiday next to Christmas! Billions...with a B...spent on costumes, candy and party paraphanalia. You never know what kind of freaks, crazies and weirdos will be prowling your neighborhood disguised as Lady Gaga, Spiderman, Angry Birds, vampires, pirates and Obama or Romney clones. Like we need more of those guys. There are giant stores dedicated solely to the sale of Halloween costumes. If you can't find a costume in a store, you can order one online...often priced at well over $100 each. What happened to going "toga" in a household sheet?
YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO OLD
TO TRICKER TREAT IF....
- You think chocolate is over-rated. But a nice bottle of vodka would be appreciated.
- You like to run over kids on your Hoverround.
- You only eat high fiber candy.
- Kids point at you and scream, "Yikes, scary witch mask"...and you're not wearing one.
- On the doorstep you yell: "Tricker...." and forget the rest of it.
- You're the only tricker treater in the group with a hip replacement.
- You consider it a good night if your Depends don't leak and you don't drop the battery to your hearing aid.
- You're confident you can fight off candy thieves with your oxygen tank.
- You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood using a walker.
- Little kids run away from you screaming...and you just stepped out to get the mail.
- After the 4th house, you realize you'd rather be back home watching Antiques Roadshow.
|Peace, love, Happy Halloween, man. Ya that's vodka in my water bottle. Far Out.|