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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

You May Be a Jackass if....

1. You may be a jackass if the President of the United States calls you one and your name is Kanye West and you stole the mike away from a sweet little country songstress at the MTV Video Music awards and ruined her big moment.

2. You may be a jackass and dance like one too if your name is Tom Delay and you're Dancing with the Stars in brown spandex because you've got nothing better to do since you lost your powerful job in Congress as Majority Leader of the Republican Party because you were indicted in a political corruption scandal and money laundering and may eventually be facing jail time.

3. You may be a jackass if your name is Joe Wilson and you rudely interrupted a Presidential speech before a joint session of Congress, screamed "You lie", showed complete disrespect for the leader of the free world, embarrassed your political party and the state of South Carolina and arrogantly exploited the situation to raise money for campaign donations.

4. You may be a jackass if your name is Mark Sanford and you're the governor of South Carolina and you got caught in a steamy affair down in Argentina and when trying to reconcile with your wife and four children you referred to your mistress, not your wife, as "my soulmate".

5. You may be a jackass if you were one of South Carolina's most respected social conservatives and mother of 4 children but resigned as head of the South Carolina State Board of Education because it was discovered you hang out in online X rated chat rooms and pen pornographic erotic stories all the while proclaiming to be an evangelical Christian.

We interrupt this list to wonder: 
What are they smokin' in South Carolina?

6. You may be a jackass if your name is Jon Gosselin and you left your wife and eight children for a slew of younger babes, allegedly boffed the kids' nanny and are taking 2 puppies away from your kids and sending them back to the  breeder. (the puppies not the kids)

7. You may be a jackass if your name is John Edwards and you were a former presidential candidate but you cheated on your cancer-stricken wife with another woman; lied, denied and finally admitted the affair and then lied, denied that the love child is yours; possibly used campaign funds to silence your mistress and others; reportedly promised your mistress you'd marry her and you'd get the Dave Matthews band to play at the ceremony---as soon as your wife died.

8. You may be a jackass if your name is Rod Blagojevich and you were disgraced and ousted as governor of Illinois and you're indicted on umpteen felony and racketeering charges and now you've written a memoir book and are arrogant enough to think people will buy it and still you have not the decency to change your hair style. Sphere: Related Content


Sarah said...

lol...well said!

Janet said...

Too funny, too sad, too true. Actually jackass may be too nice a word!

Anonymous said...

Great stuff. Standing ovation!

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