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Monday, October 26, 2009

Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

Most of us lead full, productive, busy lives. Yet, sooner or later there  comes a time when men, (you know who you are) for lack of anything better to do...will accompany their wives on shopping trips to those big box super centers. This tends to be especially common among retired couples. Typically, most men find shopping boring and prefer to get in and get out while women love to browse. I can easily spend two hours in a Target store. My husband finds what he needs and checks out in less than 6 minutes flat...if he's by himself. To pass time while waiting for their women to finish shopping, some of these fellas come up with creative ways to amuse evidenced by this store letter to one of its customers.

Dear Mrs. Sanders,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.  We can no longer tolerate his behavior and are forced to ban both of you from the store.  Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: He set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five minute intervals.

3. July 7: He dripped a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: He walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."  This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and spend half an hour roaming the pots and pans aisles in search of a code violation.

5. August 4: He went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: He moved a "CAUTION--WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: He set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"  EMTs were called. 
9. Sept. 4: He used the security camera as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. Sept. 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: He darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he strapped oil funnels on his chest and pretended to be Madonna.

 13. October 18: He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through it, he whispered: "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And finally,

15. October 23: He went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then hollered, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here."  One of the clerks passed out.

Disclaimer: The authenticity of this story cannot be verified. But I bet there's a bunch of bored husbands out there taking copious notes.
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Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

That was the funniest thing I have read in long time! and helpful too. I now have a new list of to-do things next time I'm dragged off to the store. LOL

Respectfully Yours said...


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